Hey, I'm back with my totally biased thoughts, impressions, bitching, and random musings on Las Vegas hotels and casinos, five at a time. I'm working my way north on LV Blvd (The Strip), accompanied by crappy and innacurate maps made by an idiot (me) on google docs drawing, as well as whatever pictures I have laying around. I will also note the player's club associated with each property.
Thanks to everyone reading, feel free to say hi and tell me how wrong I am about places.
Some places I have spent a lot of time in, some I've barely walked through, but all are reviewed honestly and without any kind of inducements or compensation offers from the casinos. Please note I am open to any and all forms of payoffs and general corruption.
1.
Caesars Palace - (Total Rewards) I started with Caesars because, on my crappy map at least, it takes up quite a lot of space. In real life, too, this place is huge. Giant. Vast. It's also rambling and confusing, so be prepared to get lost in here. Alas, that really isn't a bad thing, at Caesars at least.
If I had a lot more money to spend on hotels, this is where I would stay every time. It's absolutely my favorite spot in Vegas. This place is what Vegas is all about. It's over the top. It's kvetchy. It's where Evel Knevial jumped over the fountains, for chrissakes. A guy walks around dressed in Roman garb saying "I am Caesar, welcome to my Palace" (I'll guess that the real Caesar didn't have six-pack abs, but lets leave historical accuracy to the side for a now.) If a terrorist threatened to blow up every casino in Vegas except one, I would shout out "Save Caesars!!" So yeah, I like the place.
Have a fruity drink outside at the Spanish Steps and watch the world go by. It might be the best people-watching spot in the city. Sit in the big comfy sports books and watch the Red Sox blow it again. Oogle the best looking go-go girls in Vegas at the Pussycat Dolls party pit, or the maybe-naked dancers behind the screen at the Shadow Bar. Or do as I do, sit at the bar playing VP and watch the crowd roll by. The crowd at Caesars is so eclectic, the beautiful people, the filthy rich, the fanny-pack socks-with-sandels crowd, the club girls, and yes, later at night, the working girls. Be warned (or enticed, depending on your tastes) the hooker count at Caesars is very high.
There are several specific things that I like about Caesars. I always make it a point to have a drink at Cleopatra's Barge, which actually sits in water and rocks with the patrons. In the past, they have had live music here. People dance, it's a good place for the over thirty crowd that isn't up for the insanity of the club scene. There is no cover here. There is, however, a masthead depicting Cleopatra that hangs out over the walkway in front of the bar. And I mean hangs out. She has giant bazooms. A classic and only slightly naughty Vegas picture is someone reaching up and coping a feel from Cleopatra. Google it, if you don't believe me.
I don't eat much at Caesars, as the
restaurant selection is a bit fancy for my tastes, and tends to be pretty pricy. I've eaten at Bobby Flay's
Mesa Grill twice, as I'm a big fan of him on the Food Network. The food is very good, but I think my expectations are maybe unreasonable. It's on the cheaper side of Caesars restaurants, which does not mean it is cheap at all. They do serve lunch, however, which brings it down a few bucks. I also like that when they designed the place they didn't put the bar into a crappy corner as some high-end places do. Eat at the bar in some high-end places and you feel like a second-class patron. This isn't true at Mesa. Well done, Bobby.
As to the gambling, I mostly play slots and VP here, as the limits on craps are a bit high for me. I also like the sportsbook, which is big and comfortable, and open to the casino floor. One of the best in town. In the casino, you can really see big money being thrown around. You can also spot quite a few rolexes here. Yes, my friends, this is one of the places where the big money is. Despite that, I have never felt out of place or unwelcome at Caesars. Bartenders, cocktail waitress, casino staff, cigarrette girls (yes, they still have cigarette girls!!) have always been good to me.
I've never actually stayed at the hotel, as it's a bit out of my price range, but according to people on the
Tripadvisor board, some of the rooms are better than others. They have a whole bunch of pools, including a European pool, meaning ladies can go topless, if that's your thing. As a guy, it would be a bit pervy to hang out there, but maybe I'm just not European enough.
Caesars is also attached to the Forum Shops, which is basically a high-end shopping mall. There are some good budget(ish) places to eat here, but I don't go shopping in Vegas, so I can't really help you out much here.
So I love Caesars, and I'm pretty sure that's the most I've ever wriiten about a hotel, so let's all move on with our lives, shall we? Let us cross the street and go cheaper.
2.
Bill's Gamblin' Hall and Saloon - (Diamond Club) - Despite being owned by CET, Bill's isn't part of the Total Rewards network, which I suppose makes perfect sense to some marketing excutive. Personally, I don't get it, as Bill's has nothing to be ashamed of.
Bill's is pretty much the opposite of Caesars in many ways. Bill's is very small, it's affordable, it's unpretentious (notice how they misspelled "gambling" in the name.) It has two restaraunts, Bill's Steakhouse and the Victorian Cafe, both of which I've eaten at and are very good for the money. The
Victorian Cafe is actually one of my favorites, it's open 24 hours and serves a wonderful steak and eggs.
Like everything at Bill's, the casino is small and friendly. They have five-dollar crap games, which are hard to find on the strip. The big bar in the middle of the palce (I guess that must be the saloon part) has some great bartenders. There used to be a great (free) lounge show there too, Big Elvis, but I guess he has moved over to
Harrah's. There is a hot nightclub here too (or so they tell me)
Drai's After Hours, which doesn't open until 1:00 AM and goes all night. Since my body is on East Coast time, I wake up early, and it's fun to walk down to Bill's at 6:00 AM and see the worn out club people stumble out into the morning light.
I've never stayed at Bill's but they send me great offers through the mail, and you can't beat the location for the price. People say the rooms are small and nice enough. The place has no pool though (although you can use the one at Flamingo) so staying here in the summer wouldn't work for me. Maybe I'll consider it for a winter stay.
3.
Flamingo (Total Rewards) - Yes, this is the place Bugsy Siegal took two in the hat for. Sit at Bugsy's Bar and drink a toast to him if you must. Nowadays, it's the home of Donnie & Marie and Jimmy Buffet. I think Bugsy would get along fine with Jimmy Buffet, Donnie Osmond maybe not so much.
I honestly don't have many impressions about the casino at the Flamingo, I know I've been there a few times, but I guess it's not too memorable. I do like the
Margaritaville restaraunt. Yes, it's a chain, it's cheesy, it's overpriced, and it's way too cute. The food is decent, however,(if overpriced), the place is laid back, the crowd is fun, and the outdoor bar is one one of my favorite places to have a drink and look out on the strip. When people ask me where they should go in Vegas, I send them here for drinks and the view.
They opened the Margaritaville casino since I've last been out, it's on my Places I'll Go list. It looks like the kind of place where you can have an adult beverage and shoot some craps at 9:00 in the morning without being judged. I like that.
Never stayed at the hotel, but it's moderately priced, and people love the pool. The buffet also gets pretty good reviews, I might hit it up for breakfast on my next trip.
4.
Imperial Palace - (Total Rewards) The official basement of the CET empire. You might want to get here soon, because I'm geussing it will be gone, or radically changed, in the next five years. The IP is consitantly one the cheapest place to stay on the strip and, by all reports, you get what you pay for. I haven't spent much time here myself, and never stayed here (although I would consider it, cheap bastard that I am), but I'm definately going by next time, if for no other reason than to score a casino chip for my collection. They also have my coveted five-dollar craps table here, by all reports, so it seems a bit odd that I've never ended up in the place. Go figure.
I have been to see the
Auto Collection here. I'm not really a car guy, but it is pretty cool. It's free and a nice way to get out of the afternoon heat for an hour. People rave about
Hash House a Go Go here, I've never been but might get there. They say the portions are huge though, so I will wait until I'm hungry enough.
If you are thinking about booking here (or Harrah's, or Flamingo) be aware that there is construction going on in that area.
5.
Harrah's - (Total Rewards) I always seem to end up at Harrah's, although I can't really place why. I'm hard pressed to think of a good reason to recommend it. Like Flamingo and Bally's, it's a pleasent enough place, moderately priced, and has a great location. The casino is huge, and a bit confusing. It is also always crowded, and a bit claustraphobic. I think my Grandma would think this would be a great place to stay (if Grandma didn't think Las Vegas was Satan's lair). I guess "generic" would be a good way to describe Harrah's.
They do have a great outdoor bar at Harrah's, the Carnaval Court. It's a good spot to sit, and they have live bands (often pretty good ones) and a general party atmosphere. They don't charge a cover and have "flair" bartenders, who are friendly and somewhat impressive. Personally, I like the friendly but could do without the flair, just bring me my beer. Unfortunately, to get to the place you have to run a gamut of sidewalk kiosks selling crap, which bugs the hell out of me. There is also a piano bar inside Harrah's, if that's your thing, and the
Big Elvis lounge show has moved here from Bill's. Big Elvis is a fat guy doing a bad Elvis impersonation and telling terrible jokes. It's a great "Only in Vegas" show. Really, go see it. It's in the afternoon, it's free, and I'd pay double that to see it.
My most treasured memory of Harrah's is that this is the place I won some real money on the dollar wheel. I always have to play the dollar wheel once, and this is the only time I ever hit. Maybe that's why i keep coming back.
So that's my five for today, thanks for reading, and have a good day.
So I have a general, and very flexible, plan for my first night. After my long confined flight, I want to do two things when i get off the plane: walk alot and eat. So I'll settle into my hopefully super-cool room at Planet Hollywood and then run out to eat. Since I'll be so hungry that a quality meal would be wasted, I'll eat for fuel rather than satisfaction. I'm thinking that I'll walk over to the brand-spanking new Metro McDonald's on Harmon Ave. I have my doubts that it's any different than every other McDonald's on earth, but I'll let you know. When I'm sufficiantly stuffed with greasy fast food, I'll start walking. Generally, the plan is to cross over to Caesars, move south to the Cosmopolitan, where I'll sit at the Chandelier Bar and watch the beautiful people walk bye for a bit. Last on my list for night numero one is the Monte Carlo, I like the front bar there. A few rounds of video poker, a beer or two, by that time the adrenaline will have worn off, and I'll start feeling the long day. Maybe 1:00 AM, I'll have one (or two) more beverages at a bar at PH, see the club girls and the other cool kids walking by, see if I can spot the working girls. And then to bed. Call it a bar crawl if you will, it's more of just a walk. With beer stops. Like I said, all plans are flexible, and I'm easily distracted, so there are no guarantees.
