My Stay at Planet Hollywood

Took a bit of a break, but will try to post a bit more.  I'm working on it.

I stayed at Planet Hollywood July 2-5, on the first leg of my trip out to the Desert Paradise.
I got in the cab at McCarran Airport, told the driver my route (you have to do this in Vegas, or they will screw you.)  The driver, who was hopped up on caffeine it seems (or at least I hope it was caffeine) was nice enough to offer to take me to the best strip club and the best massage parlor in town.  When you are a single guy in your forties riding a cab in Vegas, this is quite common. No thanks dude.  He then proceeded to tell me the various troubles he has undergone lately, I don't know if this is a way to get a better tip or if he was just talkative or if he thought I'd care.  I really didn't, but he got overtipped anyway, as he got me to the hotel quickly and with minimal hassle.  I pretty much overtip everywhere.  It's an east coast thing, I'm told.

Check in at Planet Hollywood was quick, although there was a woman there who didn't seem to understand that there was a line, and she was expected to get in it.  She had a lot of bags, so apparently she thought this should let her bypass.  Um, no, deary.

The rooms at PH are themed, every one is tied to a movie in some lame-o but kind of cool way.  I was in the Good Will Hunting room, perhaps the desk guy heard my Boston accent and thought I'd be more comfortable there.  They had Robin Williams' shirt hanging up there.  Thankfully, it was under a thick plate of glass.  Otherwise the room itself was a standard king.  I took a picture, didn't come out great.

The bathroom, however, was pretty cool.  Stand-up shower stall, toilet was in a tiny little water closet, and I had a big-assed bathtub.  Under a picture of Matt Damon.  I have no idea if looking up at Matt Damon is supposed to enhance your bathing experience, but there it is.  Actually it was pretty cool having a tub there, even though I never actually found the time to use it.  As always in Vegas, there just isn't enough time.

I'll post a bit about the casino, restaurants and bars later, but I suppose I should mention the pool two.  I wonder how all the architects and designers and everyone else who built a big, beautiful multi-million dollar hotel could have come up with the design for such a crappy pool area.  There are actually two pools at PH, with a large lounging area between them.  And boy do those pools suck.  They are way too small and are so completely surrounded by the cabanas that you can barely get to them without stepping on some big spender.  I assume smart people designed this place, but boy did they screw up here.  Let me say it plain - the lounging area is OK, the pools suck, and I think if you pay big money for a cabana or a day lounger you will really, really feel ripped off.  There, you are warned.  Also, although there was a bar at the pool, there was no cocktail service.  What?  Yeah, no cocktail service at the pool, at least when I was there in the afternoon.  Maybe they didn't want me lingering.


BTW, I'm way to cheap to pay extra for a nice view, but I was kind of high up, so here's the view from room 2494.  Not terribly exciting, but it worked for me.

Overall, it's a very nice place, and aside from the crappy pool, I had no complaints about the room or the service.  Check out was quick, bill was accurate, and the guys who hailed the cabs were nice and quick. 

Would I stay there again?  Maybe, if the price were right, but I wouldn't go out of my way to get there again.

Anyway, thanks for reading, fell free to ask any questions, and stop by again sometime.  I promise I will post some more of my semi-salacious details as my booze soaked memory allows.

And have a good day.

Five Hotels in Vegas, Part 4

Hey, I'm back with my totally biased thoughts, impressions, bitching, and random musings on Las Vegas hotels and casinos, five at a time.  I'm working my way north on LV Blvd (The Strip), accompanied by crappy and innacurate maps made by an idiot (me) on google docs drawing, as well as whatever pictures I have laying around.  I will also note the player's club associated with each property.

Thanks to everyone reading, feel free to say hi and tell me how wrong I am about places.

Some places I have spent a lot of time in, some I've barely walked through, but all are reviewed honestly and without any kind of inducements or compensation offers from the casinos.  Please note I am open to any and all forms of payoffs and general corruption.

1. Caesars Palace - (Total Rewards)  I started with Caesars because, on my crappy map at least, it takes up quite a lot of space.  In real life, too, this place is huge.  Giant.  Vast. It's also rambling and confusing, so be prepared to get lost in here.  Alas, that really isn't a bad thing, at Caesars at least.
   If I had a lot more money to spend on hotels, this is where I would stay every time.  It's absolutely my favorite spot in Vegas.  This place is what Vegas is all about.  It's over the top.  It's kvetchy.  It's where Evel Knevial jumped over the fountains, for chrissakes.  A guy walks around dressed in Roman garb saying "I am Caesar, welcome to my Palace" (I'll guess that the real Caesar didn't have six-pack abs, but lets leave historical accuracy to the side for a now.)  If a terrorist threatened to blow up every casino in Vegas except one, I would shout out "Save Caesars!!"  So yeah, I like the place.
   Have a fruity drink outside at the Spanish Steps and watch the world go by.  It might be the best people-watching spot in the city.  Sit in the big comfy sports books and watch the Red Sox blow it again.  Oogle the best looking go-go girls in Vegas at the Pussycat Dolls party pit, or the maybe-naked dancers behind the screen at the Shadow Bar.  Or do as I do, sit at the bar playing VP and watch the crowd roll by.  The crowd at Caesars is so eclectic, the beautiful people, the filthy rich, the fanny-pack socks-with-sandels crowd, the club girls, and yes, later at night, the working girls.  Be warned (or enticed, depending on your tastes) the hooker count at Caesars is very high.
  There are several specific things that I like about Caesars.  I always make it a point to have a drink at Cleopatra's Barge, which actually sits in water and rocks with the patrons.  In the past, they have had live music here.  People dance, it's a good place for the over thirty crowd that isn't up for the insanity of the club scene.  There is no cover here.  There is, however, a masthead depicting Cleopatra that hangs out over the walkway in front of the bar.  And I mean hangs out.  She has giant bazooms.  A classic and only slightly naughty Vegas picture is someone reaching up and coping a feel from Cleopatra.  Google it, if you don't believe me.
   I don't eat much at Caesars, as the restaurant selection is a bit fancy for my tastes, and tends to be pretty pricy.  I've eaten at Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill twice, as I'm a big fan of him on the Food Network.  The food is very good, but I think my expectations are maybe unreasonable.  It's on the cheaper side of Caesars restaurants, which does not mean it is cheap at all.  They do serve lunch, however, which brings it down a few bucks.  I also like that when they designed the place they didn't put the bar into a crappy corner as some high-end places do.  Eat at the bar in some high-end places and you feel like a second-class patron.   This isn't true at Mesa.  Well done, Bobby.
  As to the gambling, I mostly play slots and VP here, as the limits on craps are a bit high for me.  I also like the sportsbook, which is big and comfortable, and open to the casino floor.  One of the best in town.  In the casino, you can really see big money being thrown around.  You can also spot quite a few rolexes here.  Yes, my friends, this is one of the places where the big money is.  Despite that, I have never felt out of place or unwelcome at Caesars.  Bartenders, cocktail waitress, casino staff, cigarrette girls (yes, they still have cigarette girls!!) have always been good to me.
  I've never actually stayed at the hotel, as it's a bit out of my price range, but according to people on the Tripadvisor board, some of the rooms are better than others.  They have a whole bunch of pools, including a European pool, meaning ladies can go topless, if that's your thing.  As a guy, it would be a bit pervy to hang out there, but maybe I'm just not European enough.
  Caesars is also attached to the Forum Shops, which is basically a high-end shopping mall.  There are some good budget(ish) places to eat here, but I don't go shopping in Vegas, so I can't really help you out much here.

So I love Caesars, and I'm pretty sure that's the most I've ever wriiten about a hotel, so let's all move on with our lives, shall we?  Let us cross the street and go cheaper.

2. Bill's Gamblin' Hall and Saloon - (Diamond Club) - Despite being owned by CET, Bill's isn't part of the Total Rewards network, which I suppose makes perfect sense to some marketing excutive.  Personally, I don't get it, as Bill's has nothing to be ashamed of. 
  Bill's is pretty much the opposite of Caesars in many ways.  Bill's is very small, it's affordable, it's unpretentious (notice how they misspelled "gambling" in the name.)  It has two restaraunts, Bill's Steakhouse and the Victorian Cafe, both of which I've eaten at and are very good for the money.  The Victorian Cafe is actually one of my favorites, it's open 24 hours and serves a wonderful steak and eggs.
   Like everything at Bill's, the casino is small and friendly.  They have five-dollar crap games, which are hard to find on the strip.  The big bar in the middle of the palce (I guess that must be the saloon part) has some great bartenders.  There used to be a great (free) lounge show there too, Big Elvis, but I guess he has moved over to Harrah's.  There is a hot nightclub here too (or so they tell me) Drai's After Hours, which doesn't open until 1:00 AM and goes all night.  Since my body is on East Coast time, I wake up early, and it's fun to walk down to Bill's at 6:00 AM and see the worn out club people stumble out into the morning light.
  I've never stayed at Bill's but they send me great offers through the mail, and you can't beat the location for the price.  People say the rooms are small and nice enough.  The place has no pool though (although you can use the one at Flamingo) so staying here in the summer wouldn't work for me.  Maybe I'll consider it for a winter stay.

3. Flamingo (Total Rewards) - Yes, this is the place Bugsy Siegal took two in the hat for.  Sit at Bugsy's Bar and drink a toast to him if you must.  Nowadays, it's the home of Donnie & Marie and Jimmy Buffet.  I think Bugsy would get along fine with Jimmy Buffet, Donnie Osmond maybe not so much. 
  I honestly don't have many impressions about the casino at the Flamingo, I know I've been there a few times, but I guess it's not too memorable.  I do like the Margaritaville restaraunt.  Yes, it's a chain, it's cheesy, it's overpriced, and it's way too cute.  The food is decent, however,(if overpriced), the place is laid back, the crowd is fun, and the outdoor bar is one one of my favorite places to have a drink and look out on the strip.  When people ask me where they should go in Vegas, I send them here for drinks and the view.
  They opened the Margaritaville casino since I've last been out, it's on my Places I'll Go list.  It looks like the kind of place where you can have an adult beverage and shoot some craps at 9:00 in the morning without being judged.  I like that.
  Never stayed at the hotel, but it's moderately priced, and people love the pool.  The buffet also gets pretty good reviews, I might hit it up for breakfast on my next trip.

4. Imperial Palace - (Total Rewards)  The official basement of the CET empire.  You might want to get here soon, because I'm geussing it will be gone, or radically changed, in the next five years.  The IP is consitantly one the cheapest place to stay on the strip and, by all reports, you get what you pay for.  I haven't spent much time here myself, and never stayed here (although I would consider it, cheap bastard that I am), but I'm definately going by next time, if for no other reason than to score a casino chip for my collection.  They also have my coveted five-dollar craps table here, by all reports, so it seems a bit odd that I've never ended up in the place.  Go figure.
  I have been to see the Auto Collection here.  I'm not really a car guy, but it is pretty cool.  It's free and a nice way to get out of the afternoon heat for an hour.  People rave about Hash House a Go Go here, I've never been but might get there.  They say the portions are huge though, so I will wait until I'm hungry enough.
  If you are thinking about booking here (or Harrah's, or Flamingo) be aware that there is construction going on in that area.

5. Harrah's - (Total Rewards)  I always seem to end up at Harrah's, although I can't really place why.  I'm hard pressed to think of a good reason to recommend it.  Like Flamingo and Bally's, it's a pleasent enough place, moderately priced, and has a great location.  The casino is huge, and a bit confusing.  It is also always crowded, and a bit claustraphobic.  I think my Grandma would think this would be a great place to stay (if Grandma didn't think Las Vegas was Satan's lair).  I guess "generic" would be a good way to describe Harrah's.
  They do have a great outdoor bar at Harrah's, the Carnaval Court.  It's a good spot to sit, and they have live bands (often pretty good ones) and a general party atmosphere.  They don't charge a cover and have "flair" bartenders, who are friendly and somewhat impressive.  Personally, I like the friendly but could do without the flair, just bring me my beer.  Unfortunately, to get to the place you have to run a gamut of sidewalk kiosks selling crap, which bugs the hell out of me. There is also a piano bar inside Harrah's, if that's your thing, and the Big Elvis lounge show has moved here from Bill's.  Big Elvis is a fat guy doing a bad Elvis impersonation and telling terrible jokes.  It's a great "Only in Vegas" show.  Really, go see it.  It's in the afternoon, it's free, and I'd pay double that to see it.
  My most treasured memory of Harrah's is that this is the place I won some real money on the dollar wheel.  I always have to play the dollar wheel once, and this is the only time I ever hit.  Maybe that's why i keep coming back.

So that's my five for today, thanks for reading, and have a good day.

Five Hotels in Vegas, part 3

Hi all, this is the third part of my tour of Las Vegas hotels and casinos, five at a time, and my general and completely biased thoughts on them. Some places I've spent a lot of time in, some places very little. Some places I like a lot, some places not so much.  My lame-o maps, BTW, are made by screwing around on google docs drawing.  They are pretty much the limits of my graphic design skills.

Traveling north on the Las Vegas Strip, starting today at the intersection of LV Blvd and Harmon Ave.  I'll also note what players' club the place uses.

1. Cosmopolitan (Identity) - I still think of this as a new place, and it kind of figures to be the last new place built on the strip for a while.  It's owned by a bank, not a casino company, and it wouldn't surprise me too much if the whole place got sold at some point.  But that's another story.
   The Cosmopolitan is absolutely an upscale place, and if money were no object I would love to stay there.  They got so many things right here, the place is just beautiful, and gets prettier the more time I spend here.  The place is essentially built around the Chandelier bar, which anybody who comes to town should stop by for a drink.  The fancy drinks are supposed to be awesome, since I'm pretty much a beer drinker I can't really say.   The Chandelier bar is also Cougar Central on the Las Vegas Strip.
   Holsteins Shakes and Buns is a great upscale burger and beer place, I described Holsteins earlier on my list of places I'll go .   Holstein's is also a nice place to watch the beautiful people queue up for the Marquee club, which is always interesting.  The restaurants are first class, and the staff is pretty nice.  I had a problem with a slot machine once and had a friendly and efficient slot manager take care of it for me.   Even though this is a very upscale place, I've never felt uncomfortable or unwelcome at the Cosmopolitan, despite being a first-class low roller.
  For all the things that Cosmopolitan gets right, they seem to have missed something about the casino.  Everyone loves the place except the gamblers.  Cosmopolitan gets the party crowd, the foodies, the five-star hotel seekers, but the gamblers just have not shown up.  The casino itself is nice enough, but compared to the rest of the place, it seems rather plain and generic. 

2. Planet Hollywood (Total Rewards) - Hey, this is where I'm booked for my July trip.  I've never stayed here before, but I've been to the casino.  The more I look at it, the more I like the place.  Maybe I'm just buying into all the hype since I'm booked there, but the rooms look great, and the place  consistently gets good reviews on a couple of websites I check.  I'm liking the restaurants, Yolo's, Pink's Hot Dogs, Planet Dailies.  Not sure if Cabo Wabo is my kind of place, but I've been to PBR Rock Bar for beer and apps and it's a good spot.  I have no real interest in the shopping mall, but might take a look at the Stripper Bar back there.  I'm thinking it will be a bit too tacky for me, but we will see.  Blondies sports pub is another place that gets good reviews, but I'm not sure I'll make it there either. 
   As to the casino, it's bright, it's loud, way overstimulating, it's everything a Vegas casino should be.  I haven't spent too much money here, just some VP and a bit of slot play.  Oh, and the go-go girls are super-hot.  The bars are a wee bit fancy, but not so fancy that I can't find a spot to fit in.  The Cougar count at the Heart bar was kind of high, and I did spot a few working girls hanging around the last time I was there.
  This is a place for the young party crowd.  Being neither young nor much of a partier, we will see how I do here.

3. Paris (Total Rewards) - It's just like the real Paris, only it's fake.  A nice place, very good restaurants, and people rave about the food choices here. For whatever reason, I just don't feel the "vibe" here, somehow the place just isn't for me.  Last summer, I was staying at Bally's, and had a view of the pool, which looked very nice but also very crowded. 

   The casino, like the rest of the place, is very pretty and overall a fun place to play.  It's a reasonably upscale place, but not ridiculously so.  The last time I was there, the hooker count at the casino bar was pretty high.








4. Bally's (Total Rewards) - If your Dad got to pick your hotel, he would probably pick Bally's.  It has clean, comfortable rooms, a fine if rather plain pool, good bars, a big and somewhat nondescript casino, a couple of good restaurants.  Tequila Bar and Grill might not have the best tacos on the strip, but I'm pretty sure they have the best two dollar tacos on the strip.  I'm a big fan of the sportsbook here, like the rest of the casino, the decor is pretty forgettable, but it's bright and I like that it is somewhat separated from the rest of the casino.  There is a nice little bar there, and it's a comfortable spot to watch a game. 
   I stayed at Bally's last summer.  My check in was late, and I was told there were no more smoking rooms available, so they put me in a suite for the night.  People like me don't get to stay in suites very often, and boy was it nice.  Big living room, two bathrooms, a hot tub.  It was sweet.  After one night there I was back to reality, which was a south tower room.  The south tower is the older part of the hotel, but there was nothing wrong with the room. It was slightly bigger than most rooms, the toilet worked, the TV worked, the bed was comfortable, the shower was hot.  That's pretty much everything I need in a hotel room.  I had a nice view of the front door and the strip, it might have been a great view if I was higher up. 
  Maybe the best selling point for Bally's is that it is an affordable place with a great location.  Seriously, Bally's might have the best location on the strip.  For the price.

5. Bellagio (Mlife) - If Bally's is your Dad's casino, Bellagio is the place for your Mom.  On my first trip, I had heard of the fountains and thought it seemed kind of lame.  When I saw it, I was amazed.  It really is that cool.
  Anyway, the Bellagio has everything your Mom would love.  A somewhat sedate crowd, a big, splashy casino, first class rooms.  The restaurants and bars are all just a bit fancier than they need to be.  There is a conservatory and botanical garden there, which is a nice way to take a break from the craziness of the strip for a little while.  Bellagio is a huge property and a bit confusing to walk around in. Overall it's a bit fancy for my taste.  Nice place though.
  There is a tram way in the back of Bellagio that will take you to Aria and down to the Monte Carlo.  It's free and a cool way to get a different view of the city.

So there are my five for today, bringing my grand total up to fifteen.  Stop by again sometime.