Five Hotels in Vegas, Part 4

Hey, I'm back with my totally biased thoughts, impressions, bitching, and random musings on Las Vegas hotels and casinos, five at a time.  I'm working my way north on LV Blvd (The Strip), accompanied by crappy and innacurate maps made by an idiot (me) on google docs drawing, as well as whatever pictures I have laying around.  I will also note the player's club associated with each property.

Thanks to everyone reading, feel free to say hi and tell me how wrong I am about places.

Some places I have spent a lot of time in, some I've barely walked through, but all are reviewed honestly and without any kind of inducements or compensation offers from the casinos.  Please note I am open to any and all forms of payoffs and general corruption.

1. Caesars Palace - (Total Rewards)  I started with Caesars because, on my crappy map at least, it takes up quite a lot of space.  In real life, too, this place is huge.  Giant.  Vast. It's also rambling and confusing, so be prepared to get lost in here.  Alas, that really isn't a bad thing, at Caesars at least.
   If I had a lot more money to spend on hotels, this is where I would stay every time.  It's absolutely my favorite spot in Vegas.  This place is what Vegas is all about.  It's over the top.  It's kvetchy.  It's where Evel Knevial jumped over the fountains, for chrissakes.  A guy walks around dressed in Roman garb saying "I am Caesar, welcome to my Palace" (I'll guess that the real Caesar didn't have six-pack abs, but lets leave historical accuracy to the side for a now.)  If a terrorist threatened to blow up every casino in Vegas except one, I would shout out "Save Caesars!!"  So yeah, I like the place.
   Have a fruity drink outside at the Spanish Steps and watch the world go by.  It might be the best people-watching spot in the city.  Sit in the big comfy sports books and watch the Red Sox blow it again.  Oogle the best looking go-go girls in Vegas at the Pussycat Dolls party pit, or the maybe-naked dancers behind the screen at the Shadow Bar.  Or do as I do, sit at the bar playing VP and watch the crowd roll by.  The crowd at Caesars is so eclectic, the beautiful people, the filthy rich, the fanny-pack socks-with-sandels crowd, the club girls, and yes, later at night, the working girls.  Be warned (or enticed, depending on your tastes) the hooker count at Caesars is very high.
  There are several specific things that I like about Caesars.  I always make it a point to have a drink at Cleopatra's Barge, which actually sits in water and rocks with the patrons.  In the past, they have had live music here.  People dance, it's a good place for the over thirty crowd that isn't up for the insanity of the club scene.  There is no cover here.  There is, however, a masthead depicting Cleopatra that hangs out over the walkway in front of the bar.  And I mean hangs out.  She has giant bazooms.  A classic and only slightly naughty Vegas picture is someone reaching up and coping a feel from Cleopatra.  Google it, if you don't believe me.
   I don't eat much at Caesars, as the restaurant selection is a bit fancy for my tastes, and tends to be pretty pricy.  I've eaten at Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill twice, as I'm a big fan of him on the Food Network.  The food is very good, but I think my expectations are maybe unreasonable.  It's on the cheaper side of Caesars restaurants, which does not mean it is cheap at all.  They do serve lunch, however, which brings it down a few bucks.  I also like that when they designed the place they didn't put the bar into a crappy corner as some high-end places do.  Eat at the bar in some high-end places and you feel like a second-class patron.   This isn't true at Mesa.  Well done, Bobby.
  As to the gambling, I mostly play slots and VP here, as the limits on craps are a bit high for me.  I also like the sportsbook, which is big and comfortable, and open to the casino floor.  One of the best in town.  In the casino, you can really see big money being thrown around.  You can also spot quite a few rolexes here.  Yes, my friends, this is one of the places where the big money is.  Despite that, I have never felt out of place or unwelcome at Caesars.  Bartenders, cocktail waitress, casino staff, cigarrette girls (yes, they still have cigarette girls!!) have always been good to me.
  I've never actually stayed at the hotel, as it's a bit out of my price range, but according to people on the Tripadvisor board, some of the rooms are better than others.  They have a whole bunch of pools, including a European pool, meaning ladies can go topless, if that's your thing.  As a guy, it would be a bit pervy to hang out there, but maybe I'm just not European enough.
  Caesars is also attached to the Forum Shops, which is basically a high-end shopping mall.  There are some good budget(ish) places to eat here, but I don't go shopping in Vegas, so I can't really help you out much here.

So I love Caesars, and I'm pretty sure that's the most I've ever wriiten about a hotel, so let's all move on with our lives, shall we?  Let us cross the street and go cheaper.

2. Bill's Gamblin' Hall and Saloon - (Diamond Club) - Despite being owned by CET, Bill's isn't part of the Total Rewards network, which I suppose makes perfect sense to some marketing excutive.  Personally, I don't get it, as Bill's has nothing to be ashamed of. 
  Bill's is pretty much the opposite of Caesars in many ways.  Bill's is very small, it's affordable, it's unpretentious (notice how they misspelled "gambling" in the name.)  It has two restaraunts, Bill's Steakhouse and the Victorian Cafe, both of which I've eaten at and are very good for the money.  The Victorian Cafe is actually one of my favorites, it's open 24 hours and serves a wonderful steak and eggs.
   Like everything at Bill's, the casino is small and friendly.  They have five-dollar crap games, which are hard to find on the strip.  The big bar in the middle of the palce (I guess that must be the saloon part) has some great bartenders.  There used to be a great (free) lounge show there too, Big Elvis, but I guess he has moved over to Harrah's.  There is a hot nightclub here too (or so they tell me) Drai's After Hours, which doesn't open until 1:00 AM and goes all night.  Since my body is on East Coast time, I wake up early, and it's fun to walk down to Bill's at 6:00 AM and see the worn out club people stumble out into the morning light.
  I've never stayed at Bill's but they send me great offers through the mail, and you can't beat the location for the price.  People say the rooms are small and nice enough.  The place has no pool though (although you can use the one at Flamingo) so staying here in the summer wouldn't work for me.  Maybe I'll consider it for a winter stay.

3. Flamingo (Total Rewards) - Yes, this is the place Bugsy Siegal took two in the hat for.  Sit at Bugsy's Bar and drink a toast to him if you must.  Nowadays, it's the home of Donnie & Marie and Jimmy Buffet.  I think Bugsy would get along fine with Jimmy Buffet, Donnie Osmond maybe not so much. 
  I honestly don't have many impressions about the casino at the Flamingo, I know I've been there a few times, but I guess it's not too memorable.  I do like the Margaritaville restaraunt.  Yes, it's a chain, it's cheesy, it's overpriced, and it's way too cute.  The food is decent, however,(if overpriced), the place is laid back, the crowd is fun, and the outdoor bar is one one of my favorite places to have a drink and look out on the strip.  When people ask me where they should go in Vegas, I send them here for drinks and the view.
  They opened the Margaritaville casino since I've last been out, it's on my Places I'll Go list.  It looks like the kind of place where you can have an adult beverage and shoot some craps at 9:00 in the morning without being judged.  I like that.
  Never stayed at the hotel, but it's moderately priced, and people love the pool.  The buffet also gets pretty good reviews, I might hit it up for breakfast on my next trip.

4. Imperial Palace - (Total Rewards)  The official basement of the CET empire.  You might want to get here soon, because I'm geussing it will be gone, or radically changed, in the next five years.  The IP is consitantly one the cheapest place to stay on the strip and, by all reports, you get what you pay for.  I haven't spent much time here myself, and never stayed here (although I would consider it, cheap bastard that I am), but I'm definately going by next time, if for no other reason than to score a casino chip for my collection.  They also have my coveted five-dollar craps table here, by all reports, so it seems a bit odd that I've never ended up in the place.  Go figure.
  I have been to see the Auto Collection here.  I'm not really a car guy, but it is pretty cool.  It's free and a nice way to get out of the afternoon heat for an hour.  People rave about Hash House a Go Go here, I've never been but might get there.  They say the portions are huge though, so I will wait until I'm hungry enough.
  If you are thinking about booking here (or Harrah's, or Flamingo) be aware that there is construction going on in that area.

5. Harrah's - (Total Rewards)  I always seem to end up at Harrah's, although I can't really place why.  I'm hard pressed to think of a good reason to recommend it.  Like Flamingo and Bally's, it's a pleasent enough place, moderately priced, and has a great location.  The casino is huge, and a bit confusing.  It is also always crowded, and a bit claustraphobic.  I think my Grandma would think this would be a great place to stay (if Grandma didn't think Las Vegas was Satan's lair).  I guess "generic" would be a good way to describe Harrah's.
  They do have a great outdoor bar at Harrah's, the Carnaval Court.  It's a good spot to sit, and they have live bands (often pretty good ones) and a general party atmosphere.  They don't charge a cover and have "flair" bartenders, who are friendly and somewhat impressive.  Personally, I like the friendly but could do without the flair, just bring me my beer.  Unfortunately, to get to the place you have to run a gamut of sidewalk kiosks selling crap, which bugs the hell out of me. There is also a piano bar inside Harrah's, if that's your thing, and the Big Elvis lounge show has moved here from Bill's.  Big Elvis is a fat guy doing a bad Elvis impersonation and telling terrible jokes.  It's a great "Only in Vegas" show.  Really, go see it.  It's in the afternoon, it's free, and I'd pay double that to see it.
  My most treasured memory of Harrah's is that this is the place I won some real money on the dollar wheel.  I always have to play the dollar wheel once, and this is the only time I ever hit.  Maybe that's why i keep coming back.

So that's my five for today, thanks for reading, and have a good day.

Places I'll go in Vegas, part 4

This one just came on my radar, but it looks so good I had to put it on my list.  I need to add some new things, nobody wants to fall into the rut of just hitting the same places over and over again.  I don't know how new this place is exactly, but it's new to me!!

Public House at the Venetian.  The Venetian is a great place to walk around, it really is a beautiful property, and I've always found it less pretentious than it appears to be.  The last time I was in town, I had a great lunch at First Food there, a terrific spot with a nice view of the strip.  It was pretty empty when I was there, and there was a great bartender who let me try a couple of local beers they had on tap.  I'll probably stop in there too, but Public House has really caught my attention.  The Venetian is certainly a high-end place, but they do have a few restaurants that are very good and don't have outrageous prices. 

Looking over the menu at Public House, it is certainly fancier than your average pub food.  They call themselves a "Gastropub", which I really think means slightly fancier pub.  They also advertise that they have "Nevada’s first certified beer cicerone – the equivalent of a wine sommelier."  I think this means that the staff knows their way around the beer taps.  I love craft brews, and like to try the local brews when I travel, so I often ask for recommendations from the barman.  I'm guessing the people here can help me out.  Keep the flair bartenders, please, give me someone who knows what "hoppy" means.

So, if you are keeping track, or planning on stalking me, here is the list so far.

1. Holsteins Shakes and Buns at the Cosmopolitan
2. Mob Museum downtown
3. Margaritaville at the Flamingo
4. Public House at the Venetian

Five Hotels in Vegas, part 2

The second part of my personal and biased guide to Las Vegas, working northward on the LV Strip.  I will give random thoughts on the hotels/casinos, accompanied by a crappy map I made on Google docs, five places at a time, posted on no set schedule whatsoever.  I'll also note what players' club the property uses.


1. New York New York - (MLife) - I like this place a lot, and considered staying here, but since my MLife account has apparently been cancelled, it (and all the MGM properties) were crossed off of my list.  I would not have booked here in the end anyway, as the pool is currently closed for construction, and I can't be bothered crossing the street to go for a dip.
   There is a lot to like at NYNY, they have a great food court with many non-standard options.  Nine Fine Irishmen is a pretty good fake Irish pub, the can draw a decent Guinness, which is surprisingly hard to find in LV. Coyote Ugly is a good time, despite also being completely fake.  It's Vegas, everything is fake, just go with and have a good time. I like the decor too, it's fun.  Good active vibe. 
   The casino is big and kind of confusing, more than once I've had a hard time finding my way back to LV Blvd.  Might be related to the above mentioned well-drawn Guinness, but not entirely.  The place is just big and confusing.  I haven't dropped too much in the casino here and probably won't in the future, as I once found a semi-rude craps dealer.  It's funny how one guy at a craps table can spoil my view of a giant casino, but there it is.
  The round bar in the middle is a fun spot to play a little video poker and watch the crowd.  The hooker count there, however, is a bit high.
  In addition to the regular forms of Vegas-related vice, I'm also a bit of a roller coaster nerd, and the one at NYNY is pretty good.  Not the greatest ever, and it has long lines, but it is a good time.

  In a town that is almost completely fake, there are two real retired NYFD fire boats in front of the NYNY.  For a good while after 9-11, the fence in front of the boats was covered with T-shirts from fire departs from all over the U.S.  It was beautiful and I still get choked up thinking about it. 



2. MGM Grand - (MLife) - It's very big and very green.  Those are the first thoughts that pop into my head when thinking about the MGM Grand, the flagship property of the company.  There is nothing particularly wrong with this place, but it doesn't really do much for me.  I wouldn't stay here because the place is just too damn big.  Yes, I know, when you are in Vegas it's a long walk anywhere, but just getting around this place is a chore.

   They have very good restaurants here, but I've never actually eaten at any of them.  People love the pool, it has a party vibe and is often recommended as a good pool for kids, both of which mean that it's not a place for me.  The beautiful people are all over the place too, club girls, maybe a minor celebrity, and, as the night goes on, the working girls, who often smile at me while I'm sitting at the bar.  All are fun to watch for a little while, and over the years I've had a few good bartenders here.  I once sat at the small bar right off of the pedestrian bridge, the barman was from Boston too, I was the only one there, we talked about the Red Sox and he told me which girls walking by were club girls, which were cougars on the prowl, and which ones were hookers.  I can't tell the difference myself.
  I also like the sportsbook here.  Nice enough place to watch a game for a while.
  Outside of video poker and the sports book, I don't think I've ever gambled here.
  The monorail also starts here.  The usefulness of the monorail is debatable, bu that's a topic for another day.

3.  Monte Carlo - (Mlife) - Another MGM property I might have stayed at if not for my problems with MLife.  I actually really like this place, it hits the sweet spot between being pretty nice and unpretentious.  I have found five dollar craps tables here in the afternoon before, which is mostly what I play.  The buffet is very good and not too pricey, the Pub (it's just called Pub) is good too and has a "non-Vegas" vibe to it.  It's nice to sit at a bar once in a while and not have a VP machine in front of you, decent beer selection too.  I've been meaning to get to Diablo's Cantina for a while now, as it looks like a fun spot, but haven't gotten around to it yet.  Maybe this time.
  I guess I just like the layout of the place, it's comfortable for some reason.  I wouldn't describe it as downscale, but I never feel like I'm the skunk at the picnic because I'm wearing running shoes.  Oh, and I think they go-go dancers are the best looking around.  Yes, while in Vegas, I like to oogle go-go dancers.  It doesn't make me a bad person.
  I have a general plan of walking over here from the PH on my first night in Vegas and sitting at the front bar for a cold beer, some VP, and some people watching before the lack of sleep kicks in.
  There is a free tram that runs from the Monte Carlo, through Aria and up to the Bellagio.  Great views of the area from the tram.

4. Aria - (MLife) - Boy, this one will be easy, as I've barely spent any time here at all.

   The Aria is part of the City Center development, which is actually a few upscale hotels on the same property.  Since the Aria is the only casino-resort-hotel, I'll just stick to that one.
   It's amazing that this big, new, beautiful place right on the Las Vegas strip is so hard to get to.  There is simply no easy way to walk in.  It seems that they built it to be driven to rather than walked to from the strip.  The logic of that thinking escapes me.  If they are trying to keep me and the rest of the hoi-polloi out, they damn sure succeeded.  I've walked through the place once, the casino is nice and fancy.  Being one of the common people, I had no desire to play a slot machine, have a drink, or do anything else at the Aria.  As Judge Smails used to say, "Some people just don't belong."  I guess that's me at the Aria.
   Having said that, there are a few things that interest me.  Todd English's Pub looks very promising, and there is a lot of public art there, and I know there is a self-guided walking tour that I will take one of these days.  The buffet consistently gets good reviews, so I might hit it up for breakfast. 
  I'm afraid the Aria just isn't the place for me.

5. Planet Hollywood (Total Rewards) -

After putting way too much thought into it, this is the place I am booked for in July, and I am so looking forward to it.  CET (Total Rewards), actually seems to like me, unlike MLife, and appears quite happy to take some of my money.  I actually haven't spent much time in this place, but I like it.  The casino is bright and lively, the spirits flow, and the food options (Pink's Hot Dogs, Planet Dailies, Yolo's, and Earl of Sandwich) fit in with both my taste and my budget.  I might even spring for dinner at the Strip House if I'm feeling it.  Oh, and rumour has it that the Heart Bar at PH is Cougar Central.  I'll let you know.
   I'm not a shopper, but the Miracle Mile shopping mall attached to PH has some good food and drink options as well.  I'll check out Blondies, which gets good reviews as a sports bar.  I'm not a cowboy by any stretch, but have sat at PBR Rock Bar before. When I  first saw the sign for the place, I thought PBR stood for Pabst Blue Ribbon - like I said, I'm not a cowboy. Good service and you can sit outside and peoplewatch on the strip. Cabo Wabo is there too, but that's not so much my scene. 
  I know that the crowd at Planet Hollywood might be a bit too hip for me, but, like the hipsters in my neighborhood here in Boston, they will just have to deal with it.   I just hope I can get a chair by the pool.

So there are my five for now.  Stay tuned, if I live long enough the list will get finished.  Eventually.

The worst casino in Vegas just got a little worse

Many years ago, I used to like the Las Vegas Club.  I liked the gambling, I liked the sports memorabilia, I liked the Great Moments restaurant upstairs, and the friendly staff.  I liked the bar with cheap drinks and good bartenders, where you could sit for a while and watch the crowd on Fremont Street.  Later I liked the R & B singers in the back lounge.

Alas, all those things are gone now.  Every time I visit, one more piece has disappeared.  The bar is still there, but nothing else, and the staff generally seems like they would rather be somewhere else. 

I just found out that Tinoco's Restaurant is closed.  It was a very good place, crammed into the back of a very bad casino.  The room was bright and pleasant, the portions were big, and the price was good.  I'm not saying the food was the best in town, but you could tell that the people at Tinoco's cared about their product, their restaurant and their customers.  Everything the Vegas Club seems to have lost interest in.  And now Tinoco's is gone.

The Vegas Club is owned by the same people who own the recently remade Plaza across the street and the recently closed Western Casino on the far end of downtown Las Vegas.  The Vegaschatter website has speculated a bit that the Vegas Club might be in line for a makeover as well.  They also noted that the hotel portion mostly seems to be closed.  All the activity by the owners on the three properties makes me think that the owners maybe actually have a plan.  Maybe.

As of right now, the Vegas Club casino has one thing going for it: location.  It's on the corner of Fremont and Main, surrounded by the newly remodeled Plaza, the expanding Golden Gate, and the never-ending luau that is the California.  Maybe they will sell the place, although I can't imagine who would buy it as it is. 

The sad fact is that the place is falling down, and no one seems to give a crap.  Not too long ago, the same could have been said about the Plaza and the Western.  The owners fixed the Plaza and closed the Western, so I'm guessing some kind of change is coming soon for the Vegas Club. 

Maybe.

A list of places I'll go in Vegas

I'm not going out for three months, so this list will be expanding and evolving with time, but here we go:

1. Holsteins - Cosmopolitan Hotel

I first went to Holsteins a short while after the Cosmo opened, mostly just because I was wandering around and hungry.  All I ordered was an appetizer, the Philly Cheez Steak Spring Rolls.  Oh boy were they good.  They also have a good beer menu.  And, of course, good looking waitresses.  Next time I'll certainly get a burger.

You should feel honored, Holsteins - you are first on my list.

Picture was stolen from their website, BTW.